Well, I'm still on my search for truth, but in the meantime:

Wly Kit: its about time someone else was against umbrellas, they're the downfall of mankind, keeping a person in their own so-called dry bubble, when in actuallity hindering their ability to see clearly and move freely, giving them the false pretense of being dry, when in actuallity the wind will blow, and you will get wet anyways, plus i hate those damn drops off the tips of the metal parts, and lets not forget how unreliable they are, flipping inside out at unexpected times...
Wly Kit: if you aks me (and lets pretend you did) boots and raincoats are the way to go, they will free you from the tyranny of the aboved mentioned umbrella, allowing you to jump through puddles, move freely through tight spaces, and although they may not keep you completely dry, your vision will remain clear and you will never have to worry of a raincoat flipping inside out on you
Wly Kit: an umbrella is a lazy excuse to fit in to a society full of lies, and based on fear, a little rain wont get you sick, and an umbrella is not the most efficient way to keep dry, its a plot to reach deeper into your pockets and make the man richer
Wly Kit: thats right, i say lets ban together to fight the opressing power of those mini pop up tents! TODAY UMBRELLAS TOMORROW THE GOVERNMENT!! WHOSE WITH ME!!!!
Wly Kit: but first.. a shower